27 “Annoying” Things Men do in Bed: AKA Sexual Assault

I’m not sure there is much more to say about this piece of rape apologism in the Metro which isn’t covered by the following tweet:

Metro’s “27 annoying things men do in bed” has mistaken “annoying” for “sex assault”

It is worth looking specifically at a couple of the “points” because the implication of this list is actually quite frightening:

4. ‘When they think it’s sexy to spank you so hard that you just want to turn around and punch them in the face.’

7. ‘When you give them a blow job and they start f*****g your face as if you don’t have a gag reflex. How about I’m sick all over your penis?’

8. ‘When they ask you to strip (which is always awkward – what music do you put on?) and then your skinny jeans get stuck round your ankles.’

10. ‘When you’re in the middle of foreplay and they thrust a finger up your bum with NO warning.’

13. ‘Putting their fingers in all your holes at once like they’re playing some sort of instrument. Far too confusing, you just don’t know what’s going on down there.’

14. ‘When they think it’s a good idea to stick objects in you. Just no.’

15. ‘Casually trying to have anal sex without asking and without lube. It does not just slip in there.’

16. ‘Being so aggressive with their hands during foreplay that they pretty much give you internal bleeding and bruising.’

17. ‘Nipple biting. It just f*****g hurts.’

18. ‘Pulling your hair so hard you scream and your eyes water.’

Inserting an object without consent is rape. It really is that simple. If your partner has done any of the above without your express consent, then they have committed a crime.  The fact that the Metro has published this piece without recognising the difference between poor hygiene being a turn-off during oral sex and rape is frightening.

This is rape culture in action. This article is teaching our girls that a man inserting a penis in their anus without consent is “poor etiquette”, not rape. That “rough sex” should be tolerated if that’s what your male partner enjoys.

This isn’t a list about women’s sexuality and looking at ways in which men’s behaviour decreases women’s interest in having sex. It’s basically telling women to put up and shut up because men aren’t capable of understanding the difference between poor etiquette and rape.

Frankly, every single man should be angry at this and writing letters of complaint to the Metro for insulting them. And, the entire staff of the Metro need to undergo some training from Rape Crisis.

 

13 thoughts on “27 “Annoying” Things Men do in Bed: AKA Sexual Assault”

  1. For clarity’s sake, inserting an object without consent is NOT rape. Whilst this is still sexual assault, degrading and illegal, it is not rape and shouldn’t be called rape. Rape is very clearly defined as the insertion of a PENIS without consent. All rape is sexual assault but not all sexual assault is rape.

    1. That is the law as it stands in England and Wales. It is not the law across other jurisdictions.

  2. I can’t believe the amount of comments on there from men and women who say that these are obviously women who only like missionary. I like to be adventurous, I even like a bit of pain (which always throws men as I have a disability that causes a lot of pain but a. I like that sort of thing and b. distraction pain helps) but I would not be happy at the majority of these.

  3. All of the above male sexual acts routinely committed against women are acts of deliberate male sexual violence. Reason why so many men enjoy subjecting women to these degrading sexualised acts is because it reinforces mens’ eroticised sexual power and sexual entitlement over women.

    All the above acts come from mens’ pornography industry which in itself is filmed male sexual violence against women. Given pornography is now malestream I am not surprised so many women believe what these men subject women to is ‘common sex’ instead of deliberate male sexual violence designed to humiliate and control women. Note which sex are the ones enacting ‘agency and choice’ and which sex are the ones gaining sexual pleasure by initating these acts of male sexual violence?

    Nope it isn’t women but it certainly is men.

    1. I’m sorry but this is just utter nonsense and is lumping every guy who’s ever dared to put a finger in an anus without discussing it first, into a huge group of violent sex predators and that’s simply unacceptable and does the cause no favours at all. I am a woman. I enjoy arseplay and a lot of the other stuff listed above as “assault”. My husband is the most gentle of people you’ll ever meet. He’s respectful and loving and very considerate. He’s also sexually adventurous and knows me well enough to know that I don’t want to discuss every sex act of give “express consent” prior to everything he wants to try – in fact, I’d find that at total turn off.

      In the same vein, I have inserted things into him, including my finger. I have spanked his buttocks red raw – and I haven’t gained his “express consent” prior to doing those things – am I a rapist too? Am I guilty of sexual assault? Both myself and my husband would stop immediately if the other expressed their dissatisfaction, distaste or lack of consent, but that would rely on the other actually communicating that. Engaging in a consensual sexual encounter with a lover (and lets note that the original article makes reference to “boyfriend” so we are to assume this is NOT referring to random strangers), implies a level of trust and consent. Someone exploring their sexual partners likes and dislikes without discussing every thought or process does not necessarily equate to assault.

      So, the fact that he pulls my hair, spanks me, inserts objects into me, sticks his finger (hell his whole hand on more than one occasion) up my anus… All without express prior consent… That makes the most loving respectful man I know a rapist does it? Makes him an abuser? I call Bullsh!t!

      Don’t get me wrong, I know that some of the things above do happen frequently and are indeed assault, but stating categorically that it always is, is just ridiculous and potentially harmful on so may levels.

      1. If that’s how you understand consent, then you clearly didn’t read my article properly.

  4. I wasn’t replying to your article, I was replying to the comment from Hecuba, who states: “All of the above male sexual acts routinely committed against women are acts of deliberate male sexual violence. Reason why so many men enjoy subjecting women to these degrading sexualised acts is because it reinforces mens’ eroticised sexual power and sexual entitlement over women.”

    My husband does many of those things to me,not to reinforce an eroticised sexual power and sexual entitlement over women” but because I find them arousing and pleasurable and he finds pleasuring me arousing.

    The tone of the original article was indicative of women who were amused, bored or unimpressed by a lover’s attempts in the bedroom. To me, it read as though these women weren’t sharing their thoughts with their partners… It also implied the discussion was surrounding consensual sex with established sexual partners (the mention in the first paragraph of “boyfriend”. In that light, I don’t believe that the acts listed above are NECESSARILY assault. A lot of assumptions have to be drawn to form that conclusion and although the article was poorly written, unnecessary and not really serving any purpose, I don’t, personally, think it feeds into modern rape culture either.

  5. Oh what De said. Hands up if you want to hear about Jocasta’s sex life in excessive detail while we’re trying to discuss irresponsible journalism and rape culture.

    Anyone?

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